As an expat living in Dubai, I try and respect the UAE’s traditions and laws. So when I see a couple making out in public or groping each other in the mall it makes my blood boil.

A) Nobody wants to see you swapping spit

B) Think of the single people, we don’t need reminding we are single (#foreveralone)

So I have come up with, what I call a genius idea to stop this pesky PDA…. Spray Water Bottles.

Think of it, all the security guards and shopping malls are armed with a spray water bottle and when they see these pesky PDA alerts they spray them in the face. Like what you do to a cat when it won’t stop scratching your couch.

I don’t know why this wasn’t thought of before… *Ring Ring* What’s that Mr. President I’m so full of great ideas you want me to help you run the country….

I know I said it before, but damn it I’m saying it again, who the hell chooses who come to the UAE and preforms.

Here is who we have to look forward to;

Michael Bolton;

Other then knowing him from his cheesy hair in the 80’s, ,when I think of Michael Bolton I think of the main character, in one of the most underrated movies, Office Space.

Known for his musical gems *sarcasm is implied* such as;

-How am I supposed to live without you.

- I said I loved you but I lied.

To hear these inspirational songs, head over to the Madinat Jumeriah on the 24th of November 2011. Go to www.michaelbolton.com.

Lets spin the wheel and see what other random, musical acts will be coming to the sandpit….

Janet Jackson

Will be playing in Abu Dhabi on October the 13 2011, she is apparently a five time grammy winner, yet can you name any of her songs? Not only is she the youngest of the infamous Jackson clan, she’s also become totally irrelevant over the years. Other the the “nipple” accident, at the Super bowl with Justin Timberlake, Jackson really hasn’t done much else.

Even her father, Joe Jackson

Who is the slimmest of bastards has become more relevant then her (he even has his own wine and perfume).

last but by no means least Metallica…

I didn’t even know they were still alive.

As the title suggests, Fat Man Scoop, who the F*&^ is that?

After extensive research (okay that is a blatant lie, I just googled him) I found out that he sung this song;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmnEhmjgZ9s

You remember now don’t you! Because after watching that youtube clip I can’t get the damn song out of my head!

So imagine my surprise, when I saw that Mr. Fat Man was coming to Dubai, to play at Elegante night club, in Royal Ascot Hotel in Bur Dubai this coming Friday.

I feel the question needs to be asked… Who the hell picks the artists to perform?  What criteria do they use to determine the performers? “hmmm lets go on youtube and see who had a hit song 10 years ago, then we will bring him here.”

Living in Dubai, I sometimes feel hard done by… Sure I live in luxury, can have my food delivered to me 24/7, I can ski in a mall while it is 49 degrees out side, I can literally find a bar for every night of the week to give me free drinks because I’m a lady, but sometimes it doesn’t make up for the lack of music festivals.

Music, to me is the soul of the world, without music we would crumble, wither and die. Back in Sydney, I would at least once every 2 weeks go to a live gig, or a festival. Since coming to Dubai, I feel like my grip on the music world has somewhat diminished. That was until I heard about the Dubai Beach Festival!

Though the acts playing, aren’t up to “Glastonbury Festival” standards, the whole concept is pretty fantastic.

3 Stages – 12 Hours of music, it will be held on Nasimi beach (if you get hot, just jump into the ocean) Laser shows, food vendors and of course no festival would be complete without lots of booze!

The headliners are,

LMFAO

•The Cataracs
•Dave Seaman
•Pete Wentz with Black Cards

Not going to lie I kinda want to dry hump Pete Wentz, and now he is single I may actually have a chance (In a land called my dreams). Other then the dry humping factor, the band Black Cards, are a fab band to watch live, Pete usually crowd surfs during the performances.

LMFAO… These guys are the new electro/ hop superstars of 2011. With songs like party rock anthem (if you haven’t seen the film clip you tube that shizz). These guys have rocked with the likes of Ke$ha and were nominated for a grammy for Best Dance Album… Don’t act like you’re not impressed!

For more information on the festival, go to: http://www.dxbfestival.ae/

I was asked by Dubai based writer and journalist, Hafsa Lodi about my favorite person in the world Lady Gaga. The article was featured in todays (August 25th 2011) Tabloid, which is found in the Gulf News.

The article focused on the pop icon, and if her looks were inspiring the residents of the Middle East. Obviously the answer is “Hell Yes!”

Oh Lady Gaga, you’re just like me only 1,000 times more crazy.

The never ending saga of the National ID continues, thanks to reports from The National. We have now found out that, for anyone who doesn’t have a National ID by mid October, will recieve a fine Dh20 everyday up to a total of  Dh1,000.

The National. August 22nd, 2011… “New fees for extra registration services were also outlined in Cabinet decision No 25 for 2011, which was published on Thursday.

A mobile registration card for members of a single family will cost Dh1,000 while an expedited service, which allows patrons to apply for or renew a card without an appointment, will cost Dh150.

The disabled will be exempt from paying registration fees, as will those who are part of the social Daman programme, although they will be required to pay for extras and fines.”

I really should get around to applying for mine, but how are they going to police people who don’t have their cards, it’s not like the cards get checked at the bank, airport or the RTA.

Peace from the Middle East.

The only time that I am up at 7 in the morning is, if I am dragging my tired but fabulous ass back from a party .

But last Friday morning, I did the unthinkable and got up at 7 am, in preparation for a photo shoot I was asked to take part in. The shoot was being done for Apparel Group by the amazing photographer and fashion blogger Tina. http://www.tinayums.com/

The second model and the photo shoots stylist was, Theresa from http://www.candyandcookie.com/

So after getting my butt out of bed, I hopped in a taxi and went to the Emirates collage, where the shoot was taking place. after a 1,000 coffees, I was taken to get my make up done, by the fabulous Inglot make up guru Val.

With caffeine coursing through my veins, it was my time to do my first shoot, after doing the typical poses I started to jump around, pull fart faces, and mess up my hair. It was then I realized my attention span was not, what you would call long.

I was then dressed up in high end couture clothes and accessories from Aldo (think long dangly feathers) and then had to pose. After lots of direction, I realized this meant, standing on your toes, hand on the hip, neck scooped down, and a vacant almost angry look in your face and eyes.

After the shoot, my body was aching, from all the odd positions I had put it through,  and I couldn’t stop doing “blue steel” in the bathroom mirror.

Though I am definitely no model, at least for a day I got to play dress up!

In my mission to take over Dubai, then move to complete world domination (I would just settle with getting invited to a few more A list parties in Dubai) I did an interview with Friday Magazine, about books and my quirky take on the matter….