A) Nobody wants to see you swapping spit

B) Think of the single people, we don’t need reminding we are single (#foreveralone)

So I have come up with, what I call a genius idea to stop this pesky PDA…. Spray Water Bottles.

Think of it, all the security guards and shopping malls are armed with a spray water bottle and when they see these pesky PDA alerts they spray them in the face. Like what you do to a cat when it won’t stop scratching your couch.

I don’t know why this wasn’t thought of before… *Ring Ring* What’s that Mr. President I’m so full of great ideas you want me to help you run the country….

Here is who we have to look forward to;

Michael Bolton;

Other then knowing him from his cheesy hair in the 80’s, ,when I think of Michael Bolton I think of the main character, in one of the most underrated movies, Office Space.

Known for his musical gems *sarcasm is implied* such as;

-How am I supposed to live without you.

- I said I loved you but I lied.

To hear these inspirational songs, head over to the Madinat Jumeriah on the 24th of November 2011. Go to www.michaelbolton.com.

Lets spin the wheel and see what other random, musical acts will be coming to the sandpit….

Janet Jackson

Will be playing in Abu Dhabi on October the 13 2011, she is apparently a five time grammy winner, yet can you name any of her songs? Not only is she the youngest of the infamous Jackson clan, she’s also become totally irrelevant over the years. Other the the “nipple” accident, at the Super bowl with Justin Timberlake, Jackson really hasn’t done much else.

Even her father, Joe Jackson

Who is the slimmest of bastards has become more relevant then her (he even has his own wine and perfume).

last but by no means least Metallica…

I didn’t even know they were still alive.

As the title suggests, Fat Man Scoop, who the F*&^ is that?

After extensive research (okay that is a blatant lie, I just googled him) I found out that he sung this song;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmnEhmjgZ9s

You remember now don’t you! Because after watching that youtube clip I can’t get the damn song out of my head!

So imagine my surprise, when I saw that Mr. Fat Man was coming to Dubai, to play at Elegante night club, in Royal Ascot Hotel in Bur Dubai this coming Friday.

I feel the question needs to be asked… Who the hell picks the artists to perform?  What criteria do they use to determine the performers? “hmmm lets go on youtube and see who had a hit song 10 years ago, then we will bring him here.”

When I heard that Stoli Vodka, was giving people in living in the UAE a chance to win a trip to LA.

The premise of the competition is log on to Stoli Vodka facebook;

http://www.facebook.com/StoliEmirates

Answer the questions, the Stoli peeps want to pick people who are super ORIGINAL!

I did have a little giggle to myself though, and thought “only in the UAE.” When before you could enter the competition you had to answer the below questions.

I had never before seen the question “I confirm that I am not of Muslim belief”

Also, just in case you ask, yes I did enter and judging by this picture…. I do heart the Stoli Vodka!

Good Luck!

C.

Upon going home for the first time in 3 years, my expectations vs. the hard reality of what was planned hadn’t quite occurred to me yet.

1. Expectation: My flight would be shared with my friend whom was also doing a stop over via Hong Kong, during this time we would drink red wine and swap stories.

The Hard Reality: I misread my itinerary, and was meant to leave the day prior to what I thought. Upon ringing Cathy Pacific they told me that there were no spare seats for the next 2 weeks. When I heard that, well it wasn’t pretty…. Me on the floor sobbing hysterically into the phone, screaming into the sky with a raised fist. The poor guy on the other end felt so sorry for me (or he really wanted to shut me up) found a seat on the next flight… Which was in 3 hours time.

2. Expectation: I would have all my amazing couture, vintage and brand named clothes neatly packed into my suit case.

The Hard Reality: Seeing as I had less then 30 mins to get to the airport (see 1.) I picked up what ever clothes I could find, threw them into my suitcase, grabbed my passport and ran for dear life, praying with every breath that I would not miss the flight. Which unfortunately meant, upon closer inspection in Aus I had 1 jacket, 6 pairs of leggings, underwear, 2 shirts and about 50 summer dresses… It was the middle of winter and about 15 degrees in Aus… So summer dresses were not a desired garment,

3. Seeing the “ex” and presuming it would be the same as the last time we saw each other, as we prided ourselves on being friends first.

The Hard Reality: One word Awkward. *To be fair the third time we met up the awkwardness had passed, which I put down to lack of our mutual friends being there.

4. My skin would be clear without a blemish in sight.

The Hard Reality: Apparently flying aggravates my skin, so I looked pubescent.

Obviously seeing my family and friends, was great and I am so glad I went, but now I feel displaced. Aus no longer feels like home (it’s cold and there is no social scene for me to terrorize). Does that mean I am now an official Dubain?

C.

Living in Dubai, I sometimes feel hard done by… Sure I live in luxury, can have my food delivered to me 24/7, I can ski in a mall while it is 49 degrees out side, I can literally find a bar for every night of the week to give me free drinks because I’m a lady, but sometimes it doesn’t make up for the lack of music festivals.

Music, to me is the soul of the world, without music we would crumble, wither and die. Back in Sydney, I would at least once every 2 weeks go to a live gig, or a festival. Since coming to Dubai, I feel like my grip on the music world has somewhat diminished. That was until I heard about the Dubai Beach Festival!

Though the acts playing, aren’t up to “Glastonbury Festival” standards, the whole concept is pretty fantastic.

3 Stages – 12 Hours of music, it will be held on Nasimi beach (if you get hot, just jump into the ocean) Laser shows, food vendors and of course no festival would be complete without lots of booze!

The headliners are,

LMFAO

•The Cataracs
•Dave Seaman
•Pete Wentz with Black Cards

Not going to lie I kinda want to dry hump Pete Wentz, and now he is single I may actually have a chance (In a land called my dreams). Other then the dry humping factor, the band Black Cards, are a fab band to watch live, Pete usually crowd surfs during the performances.

LMFAO… These guys are the new electro/ hop superstars of 2011. With songs like party rock anthem (if you haven’t seen the film clip you tube that shizz). These guys have rocked with the likes of Ke$ha and were nominated for a grammy for Best Dance Album… Don’t act like you’re not impressed!

For more information on the festival, go to: http://www.dxbfestival.ae/

I was asked by Dubai based writer and journalist, Hafsa Lodi about my favorite person in the world Lady Gaga. The article was featured in todays (August 25th 2011) Tabloid, which is found in the Gulf News.

The article focused on the pop icon, and if her looks were inspiring the residents of the Middle East. Obviously the answer is “Hell Yes!”

Oh Lady Gaga, you’re just like me only 1,000 times more crazy.

The never ending saga of the National ID continues, thanks to reports from The National. We have now found out that, for anyone who doesn’t have a National ID by mid October, will recieve a fine Dh20 everyday up to a total of  Dh1,000.

The National. August 22nd, 2011… “New fees for extra registration services were also outlined in Cabinet decision No 25 for 2011, which was published on Thursday.

A mobile registration card for members of a single family will cost Dh1,000 while an expedited service, which allows patrons to apply for or renew a card without an appointment, will cost Dh150.

The disabled will be exempt from paying registration fees, as will those who are part of the social Daman programme, although they will be required to pay for extras and fines.”

I really should get around to applying for mine, but how are they going to police people who don’t have their cards, it’s not like the cards get checked at the bank, airport or the RTA.

Peace from the Middle East.

Seeing as Ramadan is the Holy month, I know this because every single magazine and E blast have in fact alerted me to this and how to behave appropriately. Which upon reading the “Do’s and Don’ts” it became clear to use commonsense and be respectful.

So not going with the trend of which Iftars you can visit, I decided to check out the ladies nights that are still happening in Dubai during Ramadan.

The first one I have checked out is Media One’s Gossip Night, held on Tuesday from 8pm – 10pm. Usually this night is rocking, with the cream of Dubai’s 9 – 5 girls, wearing sky high heels and looking polished and fresh after a day in the office  (of course there’s me wearing a mans shirt and suspenders). Gossip, gives ladies 3 drink tickets which can be used to get any drink for free. The music is always pumping (maybe a tad to loud) and the bar is always crowded, but during Ramadan, it’s like having your own private bar, the music is at a level where you can still hear your friends and no line at the bar!

Head to Media One on a Tuesday night, during Ramadan with your gal pals, and enjoy a night gossip, and drinks, without having to fight to get to the bar.

I can’t wait to do more “research” into ladies nights during Ramadan!

C.